Wednesday, October 1, 2008

I'm back!

My goodness I have been busy! Re-decorating, working, socializing and just living life. My husband and I cleaned out our spare bedroom which was basically used as a room. When you live in a home that was built in the 20's you don't have a lot of storage space. DON'T take your closets for granted! All you people out there with huge walk in closets can kiss my big butt! I have 1 and a and a half closets in my house. I take up the one in our bedroom and my husband gets the rinky-dink one in the spare bedroom. And there not even real closets! They are all of two square feet and one of them has duct work running through it! It bites pretty bad but it's one of those things you deal with. I LOVE my tiny as it is...I wouldn't trade it for the world. We have been here for almost 9 years and don't plan an going anywhere anytime soon. There is a lot I want to do but this place is an ongoing project for us. We wouldn't know what to do if we weren't constantly fixing something or re-doing some part of our house.

This past week a good friend of mine's father died. It seems lately that I have a lot of friends who are losing there parents. Around Memorial Day another friend lost a father. Two weeks before, my uncle died (55 years old). Shortly after, my father lost one of his best friends. I was talking about it to an older lady that I work with.....about the fact that my friends are losing their parents....and she said "Just wait until those people are your peers". That really made me stop and realize that I ain't getting any younger! My life is passing right before my eyes and I don't even realize it. Tomorrow I will be retired (God willing) and shuffling around the grocery store arguing with my husband about which brand of toilet paper to buy! Where did my life go? It sure hasn't turned out the way I planned! I figured by now I would have at least two kids, staying at home and going to lunch with all my other stay-at-home Mom friends. Shows you how you can't plan your life!

Not wanting kids is another thing.....When you tell folks you don't want them, most people look at you like you are from another planet. Try explaining that to your parents. I might as well have told them that I am gay and plan on marrying my girlfriend of a different race and religion. Then they finally come to terms with it and every time you meet one of there friends they feel like they have to explain why I don't have children. They make sure they know I am married!! That's for sure...then they go on and on about how it's just not for me and how they look up to me for realizing what I want out of life and blah blah blah. I feel like a heel most of the time because I know in the back of their minds they're thinking..."why couldn't you be normal like all my friends kids?!?!" Actually my parents are cool with it (see, sounds like I'm gay). The wish I would have kids but they have grandchildren already so I'm guessing it's not that big a deal. But I still can't help but feel a little guilty.

Boy have I rambled tonight. I guess I have a lot to say, it's just finding the time. Maybe after I finish with my house (for the time being) I can sit and ramble a little more about what I do and think. Speaking of thinking....I think a lot about my Mother. We haven't spoken in almost three months. It's a really long story but I miss her dearly. Things happen in my life everyday that I want to share with her and I can't. I know I should just pick up the phone and call her but she said some very hurtful things. I probably said some things that were hurtful to her but it was the truth. I don't know where to go with all of this. I have NEVER been in a situation like this and have no idea on how to handle it. I have been given so much advice and most of it sucks. Anybody got any suggestions? I probably won't listen but it surely won't hurt.

Well, I'm gonna go see who's on Facebook...Later!

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